Free range nipples
There I was, walking through my cozy neighbourhood on a sunny weekday morning last week sporting free range breasts. What I mean is I didn't wear a bra, or any second layer, not that I didn’t wear a shirt at all - I’m not THAT bold (in most contexts ;). Plus I’m a redhead who sunburns. I doubt anyone even noticed, but they could have. I flopped along freely, nipples visibly poking through my black t-shirt (if you were looking). I wasn’t trying to be sexy, nor did I feel sexy, I just didn’t want to wear a bra that day. I felt hot (temperature wise) and my skin is often sensitive. I decided to channel my bra burning forebears instead of wearing one, because I have complex political and personal feelings about bras to begin with.
As I walked, feeling pleasantly self-conscious, like a one-woman Take Back the Day March*, I ruminated on the pile of b/s we wade through daily just to get dressed and exist in this world.
Before I go on, I know that there are good arguments for the supportive nature of bras for many boob-having people. I would never deny a fellow boober their boulder-holding needs. I personally don’t need a bra for comfort unless I’m doing a fitness class, and I just hold my chest if I bounce down a set of stairs.
I would describe my nipples as, um, extroverted. I have to wear padding to even hope to soften their desire to lead the way. I feel ok with tank tops under my shirts in some spaces I teach in, and when I’m working from home. I have been known to twirl my tassels on stage. But in most environments, if I want to feel “professional”, “appropriate” or be “taken seriously”, I wear a padded bra. The dominant culture looks down on floppy frontals as unfashionable, but it really loses its noodle over showing evidence of one’s nipples (unless you’re literally a model). I found so many websites on how to prevent your nipples from being seen through your shirt (like plastic surgery!).
Let’s reflect for a moment on why the eff hiding our nipple presence should even matter. I’m speaking from a colonial North American experience, not the experience of an Indigenous group, ancestral matriarchy or a French beach. There are innumerable factors, but they all more or less lead back to patriarchy. It’s so pervasive that we’re drenched in misogyny and can’t even tell we’re wet most of the time.
And not the good kind of wet.
And what about showing one’s entire boobs, then?
The dominant narrative goes like this: naked breasts are for their private viewing of cis men, either from “owning” their wife/lover/etc or from purchasing access. They “can’t control” their libidinal urges around these powerful mounds otherwise, so it’s best to keep them contained. If those with breasts display too much cleavage, or our nipples poke through our shirts, we’re considered uncouth at best, and slutty at worst. Oh, and breastfeeding in public is considered “gross” by a lot of our culture. Excuse me?
Add into this odorous mix the effects of conservative and religious values which view female** bodies as the source of original sin and temptation. The idea is that breasted bodies with a uterus are seen as for baby making only, and ought to be covered up. These values heavily influence social media’s filters and shadow banning of course (where posts or whole accounts are taken down for "inappropriate" content). Social media is its own complex zone, which “allows” “men’s” nipples to be shown, but doesn’t sufficiently take into account non-binary, trans and intersex bodies in their rules.
The other biggest influence on our breast-covering choices is of course the market. We’re commodified by capitalism and required to be ASAP (as sexy as possible), thus steeped in both sides of the Madonna/Whore complex. And given all the mixed messaging, we somehow have to get dressed every day.
Oh the rules! Don’t let the danglers dangle. Wear a push up bra if you’re smaller, but padded to hide the nipples. Wear shaping stickers, or other shaping technology, to achieve an “ideal” boob shape. Don’t let your bra straps be seen, or do. Don’t let the bra be seen through the shirt, or do. Will you be at a beach, where the usual rules are largely discarded? It’s a confusing conundrum on a daily basis.
Even if you manage to figure out the “perfect” breast covering and shaping for all occasions, you’re still possibly insecure about taking them off and being naked with a lover (whatever they look like). I don’t judge people’s choices around their boobs, but I would love for all people with boobs to feel that they’re beautiful without interventions, and that they needn’t be ashamed of showing their bodies to their lover.
Many people follow the “rules” because it’s considered necessary, as they rely on men for safety and material security. Many breast-having babes go to great cost and effort to achieve whatever their environment deems ideal. Even if people don’t rely on men at home, the workplace is infused with patriarchal standards. In most workplaces, we have to be “attractive”, but not too sexy, ideally making “classy” choices and only covertly implying we’re a sexual being.
This sh*t drives me crazy. I’m not the only one. Suffragettes fought against women getting arrested for showing shoulders, early feminists burned bras, groups have fought and won the right to be topless in some North American places (NYC, for example, and Ontario), the “Free the Nipple” movement got a lot of press in the last decade, public lactation activists (and many other breast related activists) have staged events to drum up awareness, Pride events tend to include toplessness, actors have staged campaigns against censorship by META, and that’s just a handful of the hundreds of examples.
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Let’s go back to nipples, shall we? I mean, they are spectacular. May I remind the world that most men have nipples? With some exceptions, everyone has nipples. And people without breasts often feel sexual pleasure from their nips, even occasionally lactating. And yet, not only can male-identified people show their erect nipples through shirts, they can “appropriately” remove their shirts in many public contexts. If a boob-having person did that, they could get arrested for indecency, though in places where being topless is legal, you’d only get arrested if the boobs were out for “sexual” reasons, or if it happened in some business locations. [Fun (?) fact, strip clubs have to pay higher taxes due to the level of exposure therein, whereas in burlesque events the dancers have to cover the actual nipple so as not to pay those extra fees]. Anyway, back to men, even though many people find their nipples sexy, and even though many workplaces would prefer men wear an undershirt, men get away with WAY more nipple freedom.
Puberty begins the great nipple divide. Think about a young teen (or pre-teen) beginning their bra wearing days, how they’re already internalizing the “rules” and the associated body shame. I’m sure many cis girls look forward to bras, wishing to perform "femininity" and feel grown up. Bras may help some dysphoria trans girls feel better too. But on average, like periods, most people are just going to put up with them to fit in and avoid stigma (or even active censure). I remember a girl in high school that got whispered about because she didn’t wear a bra.
Schools all over North America send teens home if "inappropriately" dressed, which disproportionately affects girls of course, and usually because their outfits are deemed too "revealing". A former employer of mine did this to female employees as well.
I get the need to “look professional” to be taken seriously, and that it’s going to take a culture-wise shift in the zeitgeist before most employees and employers will take risks pushing the envelope. And obviously I know most workplaces will continue to require shirts. The bra thing is just problematic on so many levels, including that sex, “too much” sexiness, or any kind of reference to sex, is considered "inappropriate" in almost every setting. WTF. When sex is probably the thing most of us have in common, besides the other basics like eating, sleeping, and so on. That’s a whole other post. Suffice it to say the sex-shame in our culture infuses everything and is unhealthy at best, and dangerous at worst.
I know a lot of us have also internalized the potential sexiness of bras. There is no denying that people of all genders can appreciate their visual appeal. However, I’d love it if bras were seen as an optional accessory, something one can choose to wear for comfort, or for the sake of creativity and self-expression. Or to tease one’s lovers with, like extra wrapping to delay opening the “present”. Any reason really that comes from pleasure and/or free-will, not shame.
It’s like they think tits are powerful enough to topple empires… You in??
*I made this up, based on the wonderfully empowering night marches, where women and adjacently gendered folx walk en masse through town, feeling safe in numbers during a more dangerous-feeling time of day. I doubt anyone would argue we also need to take back the day!
**I use “female” here to mean people who were either born with visible female traits, or who have acquired them medically later. Although honestly, anyone fussing about original sin probably wouldn’t include the latter.
